Disclaimer: Hanji! I am back yet again but this time with an experiment coz, this is my first attempt at writing a story from a girl’s perspective. (Fingers crossed with that…) You’ll understand the reason probably till you reach the end of this story. Secondly never download any fake software like the girl in this story is trying to download. Thirdly as I’ve warned you in my previous notes please find something else to read there is an abundance of that, on the internet. Fourthly the name ‘love.exe’ is used as a poetic device here it has no reasonable nexus with the famous virus in love.eXe (1998) or the game LOVE.exe (2005) or the Lovefilm (PSP) or any other spam on the internet. Fifthly for my technologically challenged friends and teachers, .exe is an extension used to install any program in Microsoft Windows also for my geek friends I haven’t used Apple or Linux as a platform here for obvious reasons.
Internet dialogue box: Are you sure you want to install Love.exe?
YES/NO?
Customer: YES
Internet dialogue box: Please complete the following easy installation steps or call our service representative via the internet.
Customer: Select to call.
Internet dialogue box: Thank you…*Please stay online …. Your call is important to us*
Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems Software Company help desk. How may I help you?
Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVE...you know...the freeware. I don't understand it. Can you tell me how to install it?
Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and instructions with you?
Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?
Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the background. You will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its effect on every application you have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.
Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run smoother?
Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV, ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is an external violation, including the ever-popular syntax errors. Also, all those aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" will be avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the model.
Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for too long. But, what about the bad programs?
Service Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs can't be entirely deleted from your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those programs. LOVE stops its commands from being executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you won't be able to write with the fonts "BADWORDS12" or HARSHNESS10."
Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free?
Service Rep: They sure are ma'am.
Customer: How do I get the upgrades?
Service Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external Harddrive, Email, and Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with other computers while it is running.
Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technically sound, but I think I am ready to install it now. What do I do first?
Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but several programs are running right now. Is it okay to install them while they are running?
Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let me see...I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
Service Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM WILL NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS". What does that mean?
Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things. In non-technical terms, it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
Service Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
Service Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MY HEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...
Customer: Yes?
Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various module to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thank you for your help. But wait … How can I uninstall Love.exe?
Service Rep: LOVE is not as easy to uninstall. You have to download our components which are available as freeware on our site as troubleshoot but they provide short-term solutions only are Alcohol.exe, cigarettes.exe and otheruslessstuff.exe. If Love is installed correctly it cannot be uninstalled but in this age of upgrades, you might upgrade your Windows and get a better start after a reboot. Love can be recovered and reinstalled then.
Customer: ... oh, Thank You.
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